In Mumbai, there's lot of drama...(Part 2)

(Continued from here)

Scene#1 Take#2:

It's late on a Saturday winter afternoon in a winterless Mumbai. It is very crowded today as I drive from one point in the suburbs to another. 'When isn't it crowded?' are my thoughts as I pull into a traffic light. Trance is playing on my car music system just as I notice that I am surrounded by autorickshaws.

A face peers out of the auto stopped to my immediate right. The sweet looking girl gestures me to roll down my car window. And I think, 'Don't I know this girl? I am dreaming? This has happened to me before. Is this deja vu?' Mind races back to the last time this scene was played out. Four months back, rainy night, traffic, same gestures... 'Oh, I know what is coming. Damn...my instincts were on the dot! I am glad I did not fall for that trick last time',are my thoughts as I cut the music and roll down the window.

Looks can be deceptive. But I feel a little proud for having judged it right the first time around. I need to get this girl to understand that she cannot get away with it all the time. A meek 'Sorry!' wouldn't have the punch. I need to say it like she cannot forget it for some time. But, I cannot make a scene. If a guy shouts at a stranger-woman (by now, all the sweetness about her has metamorphosed into wiliness) who is asking for help, those around you will likely trash you verbally, or physically, before listening to your story. Then there will be lot of honking from those behind me who are not interested in seeing where this goes. The inanity of the potential chaos makes me think we'll settle it the simple way. I only need to get a point across.

So, by the time she says it, I am saying it in my mind, smile on my face 'Sir, can you please do me a favour?'. My smile widens, as I lift up my index finger and say ' Ma'am, I know what you are going to say. But you have asked me for this favour once before, remember?'. I think she does not recognize me. But, I am sure that she knows that I know. She knows that she has slipped this time. She also probably cannot believe that she has tried to trick the same guy twice. What are the odds, isn't it? There are some things money can buy, but the look on her face was priceless.

Anyway, I am glad I had recognized that confident delivery of the request the first time around. I see that confidence again, when she recovers her poise and with sufficient stoicism, responds with 'OK' and then withdraws into the auto rickshaw.


(To be continued)

In Mumbai, there's lots of drama...(Part 1)

Called by many names, Mumbai, as a film city, ensnares people's imagination like no other. Does life mimic cinema or cinema mimic life here? In the continuum of what imitates what, the answer must lie only somewhere at the center. You'll find all flavours of life on the street -romance, fantasy, adultery, violence, deceit, drama, comedy etc- as long as you care to step back and observe. When the regular Mumbaikar cannot escape the real virtuality of the city, how can a simple guy like me? Here's are a few scenes from my life in the past few months...

Scene#1 Take#1:

It's late on a rainy evening of an otherwise quiet Saturday. You might have noticed that when it has been drizzling continuously, things kind of quieten down. I am driving alone from one point in the suburbs to another, cutting across several busy junctions. Now, I am stuck at the same signal for the third time that the light changes back to red.

Just as I am cursing the traffic congestion, the autorickshaw that was , directionally speaking, hanging around my five o'clock pulls ahead to my one o'clock. A sweet face of a girl in her early twenties or late teens cranes out of the auto. Her hand gestures to me to roll down my car window. As I see her eyelashes blinking away rain drops, I wonder whether she is looking for directions. But she is in an auto and usually, it is me that goes to an auto for directions, not the other way round. Anyway, my car window hisses halfway down and I wait for her to speak.

She says,in perfect English, "Sir, can you please do me a favour?" I am all the more unsure about what to expect now. "Sir, I do not have money to pay to this autorishaw guy. Can you please give me 80 Rupees?" My mind races. Something is not right about this scenario. Her sweet voice wants me to believe this is a genuine request. Her immaculate private school educated accent tells me she must be coming from at least a middle class home. I cannot make out what she is wearing, but, someone in her position, I assume, must have a cellphone. Even if she does not have one, why doesn't she wait till she reaches her destination and arrange for money with whomever she is meeting? Maybe, she is even going home now. Either way, asking money, publicly, from a stranger, is not a smart thing to do in my opinion. Doing so exposes her vulnerability. Why is she asking me then?

A couple or three seconds pass as I consider all this. My thoughts are interrupted by her voice again, "Sir?". I have to decide whether I want to dig into my pocket or not. Would it be OK to not give her the money? 'Come on fast', I think. I go with my instincts and decide that the straight face and the confidence with which she delivered her request tells me that she is used to making such requests. Maybe she is just wanting to bill her ride on a stranger willing to help. Circumstances do not seem to be dire. So, I just shake my head and say "I am sorry!" and roll up my window. Her face disappears into the auto and I look around to check whether the light has changed. It has not.

In the background of raindrops falling on my car roof, I think about whether I did the right thing. She did seem sweet, after all.


(To be continued)

Flights of fantasy (Sarvé janaahaa Sukhoi-no bhavanthu)

'Now, wouldn't I like to be the president of India?' was the first thought that came to my mind when I heard our president had completed her first sub-sonic sortie. Atleast, then, I would get to fly in a Sukhoi and tick one of the hundred things to do before I die. Not even those who spend a lifetime in the Air Force get a chance like this.

But, what was the president doing in a Sukhoi in the first place? Is this the 21st century version of the traditional guard of honour inspection? May be it is one of the perks of being a president in a non-federal democracy. I am sure the prez plays a key role of upholding the constitutional processes, but, unless there is an emergency, the president does not need to pull any rabbits out of their hat. So, what do you do after you have settled down in your job? Scale new heights...literally?

But really, what was the motive behind riding a Sukhoi? It could not be a political statement (except help raise Left's eyebrows), no sir. Once in office, our president hardly need make any political manoeuvers unless instigated by a drastic turn of events- man made or otherwise. Officially, there is no obligation to prove geriatric fitness for aeronautical worklife. Maybe there is such a thing as first ladies' and gents' club out there that I am not aware of that is trying to set precedents for presidents.

At the end of the sortie, the president clarified that while she is (now, all the more) confident that women can do it (a Sukhoi-esque task), she would rather the government sorted out the moral and social feasibility of letting women into active fighter-jet airtime combat duty. From what I gathered from an ex-army lady, most countries, India included, are not there yet. So, it could not be about encouraging women into the armed forces, could it? If it is, then it is pretty expensive advertisement.

What could the common man be thinking? While we are blown away by our president's gutsiness, are masses thinking whether they will get blown away to bits in an act of alien cowardice. While lucky officials relish unusually fantastic funflights, do masses wonder where the next meal will come from, will their hut survive the next floods or their fields the next drought? Does the middle class wonder whether Earth is turning lunar the way potholes on roads expand and vehicles jump over metro construction debris as if locomoting in 1/6th gravity? What are all those cabinet ministers, MPs and MLAs thinking about the austerity measures government was insisting upon, oh so loudly, just weeks ago? May be they think they should tweet more often?

At an individual level, there is awe, respect and some green eye here. But seriously, what was the president doing in a Sukhoi? The president, having conquered the G-forces now wishes to break the sound barrier. I hope the voice of concern of the masses reaches the president's ears at the speed of sound.

"Confusious (sic) say: President that break sound barrier, going too fast for its people"

Fueled by stupidity, we drive nowhere

An article in today's newspaper talks of certain obscene measures the local goevernment is contemplating in order to 'beat' the traffic woes that bring down every Bangalorean. Let's begin with how well you can recall your car number? Stumped? You will be, when you will need to remember what day it is and match it with the fact whether your car number is odd or even. Am I kidding? Apparently not, according to this article.

This is a clear case of the government trying to pass the buck to the already frustrated commuter of the Silicon Swamp that Bangalore has become. Traveling in your car even on weekends is akin to bicycling through a desert- slow and tiring and it doesn't take you far. After decades of lethargy, lack of planning and conservatism that translated into apathy to infrastructure requirements, the government has given the people of Bangalore what can be considered as an ever-make-shift arrangement around traffic. Caught in the sudden limelight of explosive growth driven by IT and ITeS influx and a never ending scramble between anti-development opposition 'leaders' and pro-development incumbents, the latter fails to deliver anything. Left headless without a government, the local authorities have come up with this stupid solution of letting people drive on alternative days. Some audacity that, taking people of Bangalore for a ride (no pun intended).

But is curtailing people from driving in a city that has no public transportation except bursting-at-the-seams, almost never on time, never ever enough bus system a befitting solution?

Some questions arise. Let's say your car has an even number and an emergency at home requires you to take your car out on a odd-car day. What should you do? Should you be allowed since a life is at risk? How easily can someone not fake an emergency? Would government vehicles be exempt from this rule? If people can be expected to fend for themselves, should the minister not lead the way and travel in a bus?

Why could the government be not thinking of ideas like that implemented in London? Out there, toll zones have been identified and the cars need to pay a steep toll to just drive through congested areas. The presence of technology companies seemed to have made no impact on the retrograde authorities of Bangalore.

The whole plan of alternate-day driving stinks of escapism and will lead to another series of half-hearted attempts to solve the problems that should have been addressed decades ago.

Quality of life in Bangalore in terms of commute is steadily declining with lot of help from the backward-looking attitude and indecisiveness of the powers that be. Impractical suggestions like curbing driving privileges only add insult to injury. Hiding behind the shield of 'it has worked in some European countries' the local bodies seemed to be pleading to be forgiven for failing to come up with practical ideas. This is the cost we pay for throwing out the corporates (PPP) with social-conciousness from the game.

This is exactly when I want to thank Ratan Tata for his Nano. Now, all I need to do is to buy a Nano, get it registered with an even number and I am good to go. I will drive my regular car on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and the Nano on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Hush, don't tell anyone about the Nano!